'Freemasons rule the world!': Feed me something new

Making Freemasons the bad guys in fiction is nothing new. The anti-mason conspiracy websites do it every day.

But it's being taken to a new height (or new depth) by three Canadian writers who are peddling their screenplay The Establishment online.

Like I said, nothing new. Anybody could have whipped this up in their kitchen.

Recipe:

Mix together:

• Gary Allen's early 1970's conspiracy classic None Dare Call It Conspiracy
• The dumbest anti-Mason web page you can find
• A vague memory of the 1960's TV program Run for Your Life and a rounded teaspoon of the original The Fugitive TV series
• A random episode of 24
• A shadowy government organization — sprinkle in a popular flavor from Millennium, The X-Files, Nowhere Man, The Prisoner, or maybe Boss Hogg's goons on the Dukes of Hazzard
• Character names that Dan Brown would be proud of
• A period-piece introduction a la National Treasure

Stir in for color:

• Middle East turmoil
• Terrorism in Washington, D.C.
• Detectives Nick and Nora Charles from The Thin Man series, but make them reporters

Blend at high speed with Howard Beale's "hijacking of the airwaves" in 1976's classic Network.

Bake on the Internet using the Eye in the Pyramid from the back of a dollar bill at 400 degrees for a few months, to see if anyone will actually take a bite.

Result: A bland, tasteless chowder that tells us what The Simpsons have already spelled out with Alpha-Bits in a bowl of milk: Freemasons rule the world!

Invest now! It will probably be a hit. Americans love a movie where something blows up.

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