God Hates Figs! God Hates Rags! God Hates Shrimp!

Lots of people have found the insane antics of fundamentalist Christian Rev. Fred Phelps, his daughter and the rest of the nuts at Westboro Baptist Church to be fodder for their satire.

The Biblical Book of Leviticus, the source of Westboro's belief that "God Hates Fags," is a treasurechest of other supposed God-rules. If we're gonna believe one, we should believe all of them, right?

• God Hates Shrimp — Leviticus 11:9-12 says: These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat. And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination. Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.


• God Hates Rags: The Word states, clear as day, in Leviticus Chapter 19, Verse 19: "Neither shall a garment made of two types of materials come upon you." Apparently God really hates felt, which is usually a pressed material of more than one fiber. This one comes with a seven-minute film parodying Fred Phelps's church. "Phelps Hates Felt!"


• In Matthew 21:18-20, Jesus rebukes the fig tree, calling it evil: "Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he was hungry. And when he saw a fig tree by the road, he came to it, and found nothing on it, but leaves only, and said to it, Let no fruit grow on you henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away. And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon has the fig tree withered away!" Then in Mark 11:12-14 Jesus commands us not to eat of the cursed fig tree: "The next day, when they came from Bethany, he was hungry: And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if perhaps he might find any thing on it: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet. And Jesus answered and said to it, No man eat fruit of you hereafter forever. And his disciples heard it." God Hates Figs! This is further stated in Psalms as well as in Jeremiah. Verily!

Then there's "God Hates Globes" and "God Hates Westboro Baptist Church," too.

And everyone's favorite Baptist church, Landover Baptist Church, brings us The Da Vinci Code movie review under the headline, "Anything that drives the Catholics crazy can't be all bad!"

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